Ask Mina: Dad agreed to tour, then cancelled three times
Dear Mina: After months of talking, my father finally said he would look at one place near my house. I booked the tour. The morning of, his knee hurt. I rebooked, and that day he had a plumber coming. The third time he just said “not this week.”
He has not said no. He also has not gone. I do not know whether to keep booking or to drop it, and I am starting to take it personally.
Rescheduling Again
Rescheduling Again: He has said no three times. He said it in the only way that does not start a fight with you.
So stop booking, and ask about the no. Not “why do you keep cancelling,” which he will hear as a charge. Try “I think part of you does not want to go, and I would like to hear that part.” Then let him talk without correcting him.
You may learn it is one specific fear: that a tour is a signature, that he will be sold to, that you have already decided. Some of those you can take off the table. Tell him a tour commits him to nothing, and mean it. Offer to let him pick the place, or the day, or to go for lunch and skip the sales office.
If the answer is that he is not ready, that is an answer too. You can say what worries you and what would change your mind about waiting, and leave the door open. A tour he chooses in the spring is worth more than one he is walked through now.
This letter is a composite of questions families ask. The details are illustrative, not one person’s story. This column is general information, not medical, legal or financial advice.