Ask Mina: My brother says Mom is fine. I'm the one who sees her every day.
Dear Mina: My brother flies in twice a year. Mom gets her hair done, cooks his favorite dinner, and is sharp for three days. Then he leaves and tells me I am exaggerating.
I am the one who finds the stove on and the mail unopened. I think she needs more help than I can give. He thinks I want her out of her house. How do I get him to see it?
Only One Watching
Only One Watching: You are trying to win an argument about what is true. Stop trying to win it. Ask him to see it instead.
Three days of a mother rising to the occasion is real, and so are your fifty weeks. He has only been shown one of them. Invite him for a plain week with no dinner planned, or ask him to take her to her next doctor’s appointment and sit in the room.
Keep a short dated list of what you find, written as facts and not as a case against anyone. “Stove left on, Tuesday” is harder to wave off than “she is getting worse.”
And say the part underneath out loud: you are tired, and you are scared of making this call alone. A brother who hears “I need you in this with me” has more room to move than one who hears “you are wrong.”
This letter is a composite of questions families ask. The details are illustrative, not one person’s story. This column is general information, not medical, legal or financial advice.